The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
