My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
