Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Floor bacon is actually really good
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
