...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
