omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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