I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
