I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
