Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
