oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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