this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I checked into jail on foursquare
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
