Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Say something about gay babies.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
