Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
