wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
