one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
