Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
