Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
