What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
