Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
