I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
