Can i not drive my cunt home
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
