Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
