I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My friends, they love my intelligence
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
