she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
