Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
