never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
