Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
