I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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