you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
