Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
