the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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