i permit you to call me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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