What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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