Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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