Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
