Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
