So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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