it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
