i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
