Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
