i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
