Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
