sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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