The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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