Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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