Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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