I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
