i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
