every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
