I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
