My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
