writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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