I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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