Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
