I could make wine with my vomit
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
