How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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