Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
