At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sarcasm needs its own font
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
