I met the friendliest cop last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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