Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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