i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
