The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
