You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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