u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
